The Perfect Parent

Now that I’m on the downhill side of parenting (my kids range from a senior in high school to early twenties) I’ve been wondering what kind of dad I was.  Maybe some day I’ll have the courage to ask my kids what they think.  Maybe that should be today.

When I’m honest with myself I wish I had done so much more. 

I wish I had prayed more, cared more, spent more time, listened better, taught them more theology, and taken them to more movies or zoos or football games.  I wish I had encouraged them more, been stricter, been more lenient, handled my anger better and been more present at home at their school or in their rooms.

The list could go on and on.

The good news for me (and maybe for you) is this; I’m still a dad and have time to learn and grow.  Also, God is faithful.  He’s good to do his work in us and in our kids many times in spite of us.

As the sun is setting on time with my kids here are a few things I’ve things I’ve been thinking.  (sorry about all the “p’s”)

Process:

Parenting isn’t about finishing with a perfect product it’s about a process filled with pain and joy, victory and failure.  Much of my parenting experience has been about what God wants to do in me as much as about forming the hearts and minds of my children.  At the end of the day it kind of seems like they’ve taught me as much or more than I’ve taught them.

Parenting is a journey and perhaps God is more concerned about our faithfulness in the process than the perfection of our kids.

Presence:

It’s so important.  My daughter is a senior in high school.  One of the highlights of my week is taking her to school (that’s why we haven’t given her a car).  She’s kind of quiet in the morning and many times there are as little as 10 words spoken as we drive through bustling Flower Mound.  But we’re together.  I’m present with her.  One day a week we stop at Starbucks on the way to grab some coffee.  She talks, I listen.  Presence.

My two oldest sons are in college in Georgia.  Presence with them is very different.  It usually involves long conversations on the phone talking about the deep important matters of life, Notre Dame football.  I know, not that important, but we’re present together.

Prayer:

More than ever before I’m committed to going before the throne of God on behalf of my kids.  As my time with them becomes less, the greatest impact I can have on their lives is to cry out to God on their behalf.  This isn’t meant to be over simplified or over spiritualized, it’s just true.  More than anything else I want my sons to grow to be men who love Jesus and my daughter to be passionate for Him.   Not much else matters.

Perfect?

There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m a less then perfect parent.  In fact, sometimes I just simply wasn’t that good.  But there’s hope for me and each of us who are navigating through the chaotic but beautiful journey of parenting. 

God is faithful!

"Deep" Teaching / Preaching. What is it?

Last night I had a great conversation with Matt.  He is one of IBC's super duper college ministry leaders and a seminary student.

We were talking about certain speakers and preachers and some were described as "not very deep".  So we started to ask the question, what is deep teaching?

Does depth come when you throw in a greek word here and there?

Is depth when you give lots of historical and cultural background?

Is it deep when you tell your listeners something they don't know?

Does talking for a long time and reading lots of scripture make a talk deep?

Does depth happen when those listening have their thinking challenged?

This morning some other questions started rattling around in my mind.  Is depth a sufficient goal for my speaking?  Do I want people to walk away after listening to me and say "wow, that was deep" or do I want them to walk away thinking / feeling / doing something else?

So how would you define "deep teaching"?  AND do you believe depth is a legitimate goal for speakers to have?

Youthworkers, We Must Pull Together!

Sometimes the brightest events flow for the darkest hours.

The last week has been dark for Coppell, Texas.  Coppell is a small suburban town on the northwest side of Dallas and where many IBC (my home church) families live.  One week ago today (Sunday, October 14) we received information that a senior from Coppell High School was missing and feared dead after cliff diving at a nearby lake.

That evening hundreds of students gathered at the football stadium to pray for and remember Jacob Logan, starting safety for the Coppell Cowboys.

As you can imagine the next 2 days were spent counseling students, parents, teachers and our own hearts.  Events like these seldom make sense.  One junior girl told me that she didn’t blame God, but she wasn’t a real big fan of what he was doing.  I concur. 

By Tuesday afternoon the body of Jacob was still missing.  As we were praying for peace and closure the unthinkable happened.  Jonah Blackwell, also a senior at Coppell, took his life.

Tuesday evening, Wednesday morning and the rest of the week were spent trying to understand in my own mind what God was up to while answering tough questions from students.  You can imagine.

Is it ok for me to be angry with God?

Why is God doing this?

Of all the people, why does God take the best?

I have a lot of thoughts on grief and God and suicide and many other topics, but that’s not where this is going.

You see, although the week has been exhausting there have been some great things happen that wouldn’t have otherwise, not least of which is the simple and beautiful truth that I didn’t have to walk through last week alone.

The youth workers in and around Coppell have always liked each other and many times grabbed some coffee together.  But these events have brought us together in a fresh miraculous way.  From Baptist, to Church of Christ, to Methodist, to Non-Denom, to Catholics, we’ve basically walked this journey together.

I’ve been a youth pastor for 25 years and have advocated and begged for churches to work together for the sake of the community and the Kingdom, but I’ve never seen God do anything like this.

Sunday night at the football stadium, (the night Jacob went missing) I was not alone.  There were at least 10 of us together developing a game plan of how we were going to encourage one another along with hundreds of students. 

Monday morning at Coppell High School, I was not alone.  We were together loving and praying for students.

Tuesday night at the local pavilion, I was not alone.  While trying to comfort students who didn’t understand why a second friend was gone, we were there together.

Thursday morning at the memorial service for Jonah, I was not alone.  We were there together.

This short note from an area youth pastor echoes the heart of many youthworkers in our area.

Hey Team,

I wanted to send a follow up on the day since we were all going in the same but different directions yesterday.  Let us continue to be present on campus in the days to come.  I will be present at lunches for sure and we need to have some presence at New Tech as well.  I know we can't all be there all day but as you can swing by the campus please do so.  God orchestrated some Big things yesterday with Christian students stepping up and leading out in their classrooms and teachers and coaches being bold with the Gospel.  I am grateful for each and every one of you and your involvement yesterday and in the days to come.  God is BIG and yesterday He used each and every one of you in a unique and "just right" way.  We are all uniquely connected to the Logan family and/or the situation.  As a result we really need to be diligent to share information about search details, services details, kids who need care, adults or administrators who need care, organized vigils or gatherings so we are not competing with one another but coming alongside one another etc.  I am humbled to have linked arms to serve our God by serving our community together.  I am blown away at the reality that WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER.

I often times get caught up in the weekly stuff that I neglect building and maintaining relationships with those doing the same things in the same town.  Forgive me for not playing my part in galvanizing the group of youth workers around the cause of Christ in Coppell.  The ONE Network needs some new life and I am committing to help make that happen.  Who's with me?!

Charley

What we did together wasn’t really rocket science.  All you can really do during these times is be present, pray and listen.  That’s what we did and it was so good to do it together.

There’s a lot of work to be done in the next days and there are already dozens of stories I could share of how God is using all this for his fame and Kingdom, but the main story I want to tell is this.  There is power in churches and especially youthworkers coming together to serve with one heart.

I’m so thankful there was a great level of trust and relationship before all this went down and even more thankful those relationships have deepened over the last week.

So I have to ask.  Are you connected?  If and when (it will come) tragedy comes to your community will you be able to serve along side other youthworkers?  Can I encourage you to begin to lay the relational foundation now?  Reach out and spend time with other youthworkers in your area.

I don’t know how we would have dealt with the tragedy of last week if youthworkers were not willing and eager to work and pray together. 

We truly are better together.

BTW, if you want some great ideas about building a group in your community check out these videos from the National Network of Youth Ministries.  They're there to help.

http://www.youthworkers.net/index.cfm/fuseaction/blog.view/BlogID/dev.youthworkers.net/index.cfm/fuseaction/blog.view/BlogID/506

Please Pray

Once again our community is grieving the loss of a teen.  Jacob Logan, a Coppell high school student, disappeared while cliff diving with friends on Sunday.

After spending the day with high school students at Coppell High School I'm so sad by what the students and the family have to experience.

Last night we had a time of prayer and worship at our church with students.  Our focus was to help them embrace this simple truth...God is great and God is good.  God is who he is in spite of our circumstances and feelings.  That truth is tough to embrace in times such as these.  To be honest, my faith struggles in times like this as well.  Pray that God would strengthen our faith.

Please pray that God will do what he does, take tragedy and turn it to beauty.  That's the story of the gospel and my hope is it will become the story of Jacob.

Thank you for praying.

Youth Ministry Unconference Cinci - What We Shared

Youth Ministry Unconference is a fresh new way to learn, share and grow in student ministry leadership.  It's unique in that it utilizes creative gatherings that place youth workers in venues where they can learn from others, share from experience and receive encouragement.  Youth workers of all levels of experience can be an incredible resource for one another.

YM Unconference was developed by Mark Matlock after seeing the benefits of this kind of format at the National Youth Workers Convention 3 years ago.  We launched YM Unconference in Dallas and found people around the country were interested in hosting.  After learning from Mark, we have had the privilege of serving youth ministry by facilitating several gatherings around the country.

Here are some principles that make YM Unconference unique.

• There's no "hired gun" speaker.  Wisdom, encouragement and challenge flows from the collective wisdom of all the voices in the room.
• It's super low cost.
• Relationship is king.  There are great friendships created and deepened and space given to those relationships.
• It's God dependent.  Sure there's a plan, but there's plenty of flexibility that gives freedom to follow the heart of God.  Discussions are determined by conference attendees.
• The gathering is always surprising.  It's amazing what comes from the hearts and voices of everyone in the room.  I never cease to be amazed.

You see, every person called to serve teenagers has unique perspective and experience others need to hear.  Older and more experienced youth workers need to hear from the young.  The young need to hear the wisdom of those who are older.  And every person called to minister to teens needs to continue to learn and grow in their ministry effectiveness.  It's this teachable and humble DNA that drives the heart, spirit and effectiveness of YM Unconference.

Last weekend I had the privilege of participating in YM Unconference Cincinnati.  We gathered on Friday morning through early afternoon and then again on Saturday morning.  There was a a lot of diversity in the room.  There were men and women, old and young, urban and suburban, experienced youth workers and rookies, payed and volunteer.  This diversity feeds the richness of the shared experience.

Here are some themes that rose to the surface.  Each of these were discussed in detail and depth.  Although much of this may not be new, it's always important to grow in these areas.

• Youth workers need to be wisely transparent in their relationships with students.  
• Perhaps there needs to be more attention give to time with students over producing a "show" for students.
• When spending time with students learn how to ask great questions to get beneath the surface.  
• The unique needs of todays teens are not that different from what todays youth workers struggled with as teens.  (and struggle with now)
• We need to be creative in connecting with teens after they graduate high school.  Incredible ideas were shared about how this might happen in urban areas.
• Creating a culture of discipleship is key in seeing all students grow in their faith.  This culture must have just enough structure to unleash relationship.
• As youth workers, our connection to Jesus is key.

I walked away from Cincinnati refreshed, encouraged and challenged.  As a 25 year veteran of student ministry I need these environments to learn and grow.  And who knows, maybe I was able to share something that encouraged others.

Thank you Greater Cincinnati Youth Network for hosting!

Questions for Potential Speaking Engagement

Every once in a while I have an opportunity to speak at different venues.  From one day conferences to parenting seminars to retreats, whatever the venue I want to serve people well.

Sometimes you can feel like you're shooting in the dark when you walk into an unfamiliar place with unclear expectations.  My heart is to serve each group as effectively as possible.  So with that in mind here is a list of questions I'm thinking of sending potential groups.

Are there any question I'm not asking I should?  Is there any question you wouldn't ask?  By the way, this also helps me think through information that needs to be given to speakers we bring in.  What do you think?

Main contact person / information.

 Date / Dates of speaking engagement?

 Location?

 Is there a theme / topic picked?

 Number of talks?

 Amount of time for each talk?

 Age range?

 Any information you can share about the audience that might be helpful?

Available audio / visual resources?

Are you able to pay for all expenses?

What is your budget for honorarium?

What have you seen speakers do in the past that you really appreciated?

What have you seen speakers do that has frustrated you or that you wished they did differently?

Expectations beyond up front communication? 

Thanks for any input you can give.  I love this shared wisdom thing!

Hey Youthworker - Be Encouraged

It's a bitter sweet time of year for those of us who work with students.  

There's excitement and anticipation for the fall with all the students who are back in town but also sadness for those who have been with us who are leaving for college or the next phase of their lives.

I wanted to share this with all of you who work with students.  These notes are on our high school Facebook page.  Just take out "IBC" and put the name of your church in it's place.  Students feel this about your ministry even if you aren't hearing it.

"Time has come for me to depart from here. I want to thank every single one of guys for being in my life. This ministry is something special, and i know god is really doing some great things. To the leaders, thank you for everything y'all have done. And to my peers, thank you for being really awesome friends. And to all of y'all, thanks for putting up with me! I love y'all and god bless."

Hey IBC! Tomorrow morning I'm leaving for college and I just wanted to say one last goodbye! I'm headed down to Texas A&M to study Physical Education, and see what God has for me next according to His plan! I love you all so much, and you I am so blessed to have had you in my life. IBC changed my life and brought me so close to our amazing God! I hope and pray that God blesses me with another church community like y'all. I will be praying for all of you, and I can't wait to see where God takes this ministry next! He is so alive in you, and He has even bigger and better things coming! So, goodbye for now! God bless you all! And if any of you are ever near A&M, come visit me! Love you! :)

Hey guys!,
Along with all the other seniors I am heading out tomorrow morning, and I wanna ask you for your prayers. If y'all don't know already I am terrible when it comes to change or saying bye. It has been really hard these past couple days, and I know it will only get harder when I am actually gone. I really need God to give me strength and peace when I leave and move on. I wanna say I have gone to IBC my entire life and there is no church that compares. I have loved this passed year getting to lead y'all the best I could as a Senior, and I know God has HUGE plans with IBC youth ministry. Thanks for being amazing and don't stop living for him everyday! I love each and everyone of you! Anytime you are in San Marcos or the Austin area and don't have a place to crash call me and/or Rachael Tanner up and we will be glad to have you as a visitor, or you know we can go get some froyo or something:) God bless IBC youth ministry! LOVE YALL!♥

Hey everybody. I never dreamed of the day that I wouldn't belong to IBC High School, but unfortunately that day draws near.If you don't already know, I am leaving for the great state of North Carolina tomorrow morning to begin passionately studying and doing what I love which is filmmaking. I get to go off to school to do what I love, how cool is that?
Anyways, I'll keep this short. I want to thank you guys for the gift of friendship you all have given me over the last four years, some of you even longer. The tight-knit community that this family holds together is paralleled by none. You guys are the coolest kids on the block, and I'm glad to watch you guys flourish into what God always intended us to be: in community with one another.

Hello friends, I am heading to Oklahoma tomorrow and will be moving in on Thursday. I'm too wired to sleep and I feel kind of sick to my stomach and would really appreciate prayers for my nerves, emotions, safety, and smooth sailing for the transition as a whole as I go through rush and start classes and all that good stuff. I love you guys and am so blessed to have been a part of such a special group all these years. I will miss you all and can't wait to visit when I'm home! Please keep in touch :)

Be encouraged.  God is using you to make an impact even if you don't hear it very often.  Hang in there!

Gay and Kicked Out

I ran into a college aged friend the other day.

Over the years I discovered she's one of the smartest people I know.  She's thoughtful, honest and passionate.  Every time I'm with her I learn something about God, life and myself.  She also happens to be lesbian.

We hadn't spoken to each other in a long time and in an attempt to casually catch up I simply asked her how her summer was going.  I should have known better.  She's not the kind of person who keeps things "casual".  Of course she got right to the point.  That's one of the many reasons I love her and always enjoy spending time with her.

"Summer has been tough.  I was kicked out of my church because I couldn't say I was a heterosexual woman."  As she told me what had happened there was very little emotion in her voice but I could tell from her eyes she felt incredibly misunderstood, unloved and rejected.

My heart hurt for her.

Ok, I know there are at least 2 sides to every story.  Perhaps someone is totally justified in asking her not to come back to church.  I should give her former church the benefit of a doubt.  But really?  Kicked out of church?

So many thoughts rushed to my mind.

Was this particular church kicking men and woman addicted to porn out of the church?

Are they kicking unrepentant gossips out of the church?

Are they kicking people out of the church who are addicted to their own pride and not willing to deal with it?

Are they kicking people out of the church who are greedy and not generous with their possessions?

Are they kicking people out of the church who are consistently hypocritical?

Perhaps someone patiently and lovingly pointed her to truth.  Maybe there are people walking through life with her and encouraging her.  She could have misunderstood what was said to her.

And so, I come back to the fact that I don't know the whole story but it made me wonder about me and my church.  How are we doing loving people where they are?

The church has been called by God to love every person where they are and patiently help them move towards the heart of God.  The church should be a place where people can come just as they are and freely engage with truth in an environment of love and acceptance.

As I try to believe the best about my friend's church my interaction with her drives me to pray for and hopefully influence my church to love people who enter our doors...just the way they are.  We must be a place where the any person can come to find hope and healing.

Jesus said it best...

And Jesus answered them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick."  

That's the way Jesus loves each of us and if there's anyone who needs healing it's me.  I need the great physician.

May our church and churches everywhere learn to accept people where they are.  It's not always nice and antiseptic but it's what Jesus longs for his church to be.

Chime in if you would...

What Should Young Leaders Do?

I need your help.

I have the privilege of speaking on the topic of "leadership and student ministry" with some college students who will most likely be youth pastors.

We'll be covering topics like...
* Leading Your Own Soul
* Leading Parents
* Recruiting, Training and Shepherding Adult Leaders
* Student Leadership - Helping Students Discover, Develop and Utilize Their Giftedness

Part of the day we will discuss general leadership, sharing 5 things all young leaders should do.  My desire would be to challenge and inspire them to think through practical leadership habits most in their early 20's wouldn't think about.  I hope these leadership principles will be radically practical.

This is where you come in, if you're involved in leadership, especially ministry leadership, could you share your top 5?  Perhaps thinking about what you wish you knew about basic leadership when you were younger?  Or, if you work with younger leaders, what do you wish they would know and do?

Here are a couple examples.

Leaders should communicate clearly to a variety of audiences.  Example, when planning a mission trip, what should be communicated to which audiences.

Leaders should follow through.  You have to finish what you start.

Thanks for your help.  You may or may not receive a huge prize if I use one of your leadership principles.  It's cool to tap in to your vast wisdom and experience!

Repulsed and Repulsive

I've been in Honduras since last Saturday and today spent my last day in Comayagua.

I came across a man that was absolutely grotesque.  To be honest it was difficult to even look at him.  He had one arm and half his face seemed to be missing.  His whole body from head to toe was deformed beyond what I’ve ever seen.  He was obviously dirty and very poor which is common for beggars in Comayagua.

I’m not sure what he said but I’m assuming he needed money.  I’m so ashamed of my response.  Instead of loving him and giving him enough for a meal I was repulsed. 

I don’t give to every beggar who asks but typically there’s a reason.  This was different.  I didn’t give to him because I didn’t want to deal with what was standing before me.  It was difficult for me to face him and interact with him on any level.  So I simply said, “I’m sorry” in my broken Spanish and turned away.

After and hour or so I began to feel convicted, not in an unhealthy way but in a gentle loving Holy Spirit kind of way.  It’s as if I knew I missed an opportunity to love and serve the way Jesus would. 

Jesus said if you do it to the least of these you have done it unto me.  If there ever was a "least" this man was it.  I really missed an opportunity to humbly serve Jesus.  For that I am so sorry.

One more thing, I’m so thankful Jesus loved and loves me enough to look at me even with my grotesque sin.  He doesn’t simply say, “I’m sorry” and turn away, he always gives what is needed when we ask no matter how we look or act.

Here’s my prayer, may we be a people who love the unlovely no matter what they have done or what they look like.  And not just in Honduras but where we live most everyday.  May we see the way Jesus sees, serve the way Jesus serves and love the way Jesus loves.  Amen

IBC Beach Camp 2012

It always happens.  Summer comes and goes and you wonder where it went.  I can be guilty of moving so fast I forget to push the pause button and think about all God is doing, that’s certainly the case for our middle school and high school camps.

This year was a little different for me.  I was at the beach camps in a support / oversight role and less of a hands on role.  Being in that role allowed me to see from a different perspective.  


Here are 3 quick (well, maybe not so quick) observations from our middle school and high school camps.

First of all, our student ministry staff is passionate for Jesus and kids.  Trey and Sasha (our middle school and high school pastors) both exhibited a huge heart for students as they led throughout the week.  Their ability to discern how God is moving and lead effectively was amazing.  I can’t say enough about Mary Ann.  She stayed the whole week and served well to make sure everything ran smoothly.  God has blessed IBC with a gifted staff and interns who long to see God change students from the inside out.  Our team isn’t satisfied with behavior modification, they long to see life transformation that only comes through the supernatural work of the gospel.

And wow, our adult volunteers.  From our kitchen crew to our small group leaders, camp doesn’t happen without them.  You have to eat don’t you?  Lisa Elliot, Jill Asibelua and Pat O’Reilly stayed for both camps and served meals the entire time.  What a blessing to have them take care of physical needs so the others could focus on the spiritual.  Leaders like Stephen Dean have been with their group of students since middle school, they have now graduated and he spent this camp continuing to point them to Jesus.  His faithfulness has proven to be so important in their lives.  Godly adult leaders are always key for effective ministry at IBC, this year’s camp was no different.

Finally, we have a unique group of students.  David Mcneely, our high school camp speaker, kept sharing with me and others how unusual (in a positive way) our students are.  As you listen to their stories it becomes obvious that God has and is doing something powerful in them and through them.  Five of our high school students stayed for the  middle school camp to serve as small group leaders.  Watching them serve and pastor those a little younger was a highlight for me.  It’s refreshing not only to see them passionate about Jesus as they worship, but also to step away and see God’s faithful work happen in their lives over time.  He is good.

These few verses seem to sum up much of what I’m feeling and experiencing.  Romans 12 was taught in the main sessions but this Psalm seemed to keep working it’s way into our conversations.

Psalm 145
3 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation will commend your works to another;
they will tell of your mighty acts.
5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
6 They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
7 They will celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

God is using IBC to speak of the greatness of God to the next generation.  The next generation isn’t just next it is current.  As we faithfully invest in their lives they in turn will “speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty”.

For those of you who prayed, thank you so much.  Through praying you were a huge part.  God truly did a unique work and will continue to move.

The Gospel Where People LIve, Work and Play

A friend sent this video to me the other day.  I can't tell you how much the discussion resonates with my heart to equip God's people to live out the gospel where they live, work and play.  

For adults in their work place and for students on their campus, if we can equip and inspire them to simply live their lives the way Jesus teaches it could change the world.

Enjoy.

Student Led - Family

Our Students put this together in one afternoon on our student leadership retreat.  They put together a worship service that centered on the idea of "family".  They led the service on the final morning of the retreat.

I'm kind of proud.



Other students prepared and gave the talk out of Romans 12, some led worship, some did tech and others prayed.  It's amazing what students can and will accomplish when given the opportunity.

2 Thoughtful Articles About Christians and Same Sex Marriage

I’m in many conversations right now about gay marriage.

As one who is passionate about the next generation, I seek to be attentive to issues that involve marriage and family.  Here are a couple of articles that may help frame discussion if people are asking you about it.

http://blogs.christianpost.com/standing-in-truth/does-protesting-gay-marriage-advance-the-gospel-9833/

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/current-events/features/29201-a-christian-debate-about-gay-marriage

May we be those who thoughtfully consider how the gospel interacts and transforms the world around us.  It’s a great time for truth, grace and balance.

Quote of the day - Gospel - Humility

Gospel-humility is not needing to think about myself. Not needing to connect things with myself. It is an end to thoughts such as, ‘I’m in this room with these people, does that make me look good? Do I want to be here?’ True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.


Timothy Keller