"What would you tell your parent / parents if they would simply LISTEN without any repercussion?"
Here's a sample of what they said:
Stop treating me like a child
Please stop looking at my
text, they are personal to me!
I have a Facebook account and
I still kept my Instagram account as well-without your permission.
Trust my judgment instead of
looking through my phone.
I love you.
I love you not matter what I
say or do, I always will.
Stop yelling
Please take my ideas and
thoughts into consideration.
Consider my point of view more.
I wouldn’t really want to
tell them anything important, because there really isn’t anything important to
tell them. I mostly like to keep my
feelings to myself.
How hard it is to deal with
life and trying to stay away from the guys I love.
I have thoughts about dying
because of them.
I have been thinking about
moving to a group home. I feel
like it would be a good option.
I would tell them about my
heart for missions and telling other people about God because God has been
working with me about that.
I feel pressured by the
family. I was embarrassed as a
child of certain things because of you all.
I would tell them to actually
spend time with me and not ignore me because it hurts when they ignore me.
I would tell my parents to
listen to me more, and not to yell at me.
Those kinda go together.
I would tell them that I
don’t like when they blame each other for things that…
Listen to me and not yell at
me.
About all my troubles and
fears.
They need to understand more
than yell at me about my grades.
Tell me truth. Don’t hide things from me in order to
protect me.
I try my hardest.
Believe in me. Don’t doubt me.
I would tell them to please
listen better sometimes.
Listen without arguing.
Give more privacy.
Stop controlling me.
Have strength. I love you.
Stop being so critical when
it comes to grades.
Give me more money.
Love you mom.
Understand me.
Why do you say you love me
when you punish me?
You make me do so much!!!
Stop controlling.
I love you. Thank you.
Get back together.
My life, not yours.
I watched porn.
Stop saying yes when you want
to say no.
Please stop reading my
texts. They are privacy! I do nothing bad and you know that.
I’m struggling in school and
I try my hardest to pass.
I don’t like eating
sometimes, but I don’t think I’m fat.
I’m bi-sexual.
Mom and Dad, I love you!
Mom-stop drinking and being
mean.
Pay more attention to me.
Mom-stop being mean to me and
yelling.
Stop screaming at me.
You shouldn’t be so
overprotective. I’m sorry for not
doing what you say.
Over protective.
Stop yelling.
You should listen to my
siblings and me.
Just listen.
Listen to me.
Stop judging
Thank you for being amazing
and love me so well.
Don’t be so strict, it only
makes me want to do bad things.
Strict parents create sneaky children.
I’m scared you are fan of
Jesus with good morals and not actually a Christ follower. You have never shown me what it means
by the way you live your life.
I’m worried that if you knew
everything about me, you’d hate me.
Mom, I am tired of you always
getting on to me about little things.
I am not perfect nor are you, although that is what
it seems like you think.
I would like to be left alone
when I get angry or when you see me becoming angry.
You don’t have to yell.
I’m embarrassed to share my
personal feelings with you because you aren’t understanding.
I am not comfortable sharing
personal things with you, not because I don’t think you can help, but because I
am embarrassed to.
Thank you for all you
do. I love you so much. Thanks for always being here.
Thank you for
everything. I love you. I know I don’t respect you enough.
As a father, youth worker and person who advocates for the next generation this list was a lot for me to take. Sure there were some positive comments, but for the most part kids don't feel heard and many of them are hiding their feelings and actions. It's never good for kids to have secrets they are unwilling to share with a caring adult.
Will anyone listen?
Kids won't share if they don't trust. They won't trust if there isn't relationship. So whether you're a youth worker, parent or both, nurturing relationship with an emphasis on listening must be the highest priority.
The hope is that we or other adults get to apply the power and beauty of the gospel to specific areas of their life. Let's do the hard work of building relationship.
What do you think?
GREAT post David!
ReplyDeleteParents need to put down their phones and provide eye contact and listen more. I am a parent of elementary school kids. I went on a field trip with my 1st grader and most of the parents had their phones out constantly--not just to take pictures, but to text and respond to e-mails. I'm sure 99% of what they were doing wasn't critical--it could have waited.
ReplyDeleteChildren notice when their parents are physically present but not really there. Parents are often in their own world, and when a child turns to tell them something, they see the parent on the cell phone and turn away. Then we wonder why kids don't want to talk to us or share with us as teens.
OK--that's my rant. The list was very helpful and gave me a lot to think about. Thanks!
The days are gone when there is actually ongoing conversation. I wonder if parents should be more intentional about creating space where their kids have their undivided attention. (like maybe a field trip).
ReplyDeleteIn the communication age I'm afraid we're forgetting how to really connect.
Some of those comments! Wow! I wonder what the parents (that 'those' comments were about) would think if that had been said to them directly.
ReplyDeleteI thank God that He has blessed me to listen to 'my' kids at IBC. I love them dearly and I remember what it was like when I was a teen.