My Future Moral Failure

I'm convinced that if God doesn't continue to show overwhelming mercy and grace in my life AND if I get sloppy in my interaction with the opposite sex I'm on a collision course with moral failure.

Just to be clear, this blog isn't in response to current relationships and inevitable moral failure for me, but stories I've heard that have gotten my attention.

Over the last 10 days I have had no less than 5 conversations with men who have fallen morally. A dad, a youth pastor, a ministry leader, a pastor, a father were all included in my conversations.

Sure, we've all heard stories of people who have compromised and given in to sexual temptation but for some reason the potential of moral failure has been screaming at me at the top of it's lungs.

I'm listening.

My response has surprised me a little. A younger me might have heard those stories and thought, "there's no way I would do something like that". Or "how dare they..."

Here are some thoughts I've had as I've heard these stories and prayed for those in the wake of sin's devastation...

I'm so, so sorry...

I'm sorry for families. I'm sorry for churches. I'm sorry for the name of Jesus. I'm sorry for the men who fell. I'm so sorry. There is a wake of devastation.

Sadness overwhelms me when I think about all the people affected. There's no doubt our enemy has come to "kill, steal and destroy."

In the middle of temptation it's so difficult to see the big picture. If only we could see what our actions might do to those around us. If only we could see what our actions might do to the name of Jesus and the purity of his church.

If not for the grace of God....

I'm no better than any of these men.

God has been so gracious to protect me from scandalous public sin in my life. Of course there is the constant struggle of "hidden" sins. I'm a life long struggler with pride, arrogance and lust. As I think about my own hidden (well, mostly hidden) struggles it makes me keenly aware that I have the potential of any sin.

Also, it's important to remember that public moral failure didn't begin in public but in private.

Why has God granted me grace in these areas and not these other men? I have no idea.

Alarm

Here's the reality. If I don't give special attention to my own heart and struggles, I'm on a collision course with moral failure. Doing nothing is not an option.

If you are a lover of Jesus and especially if you are a ministry leader, you must give constant attention to your soul. To do the work of the ministry without giving attention to the health of our own souls is a recipe for ministry failure. To give people Jesus without meeting with him ourselves is always a temptation.

We are so busy with so many needs that must be met but how can we give that which we don't possess?

We must order our schedules to make time with Jesus the greatest priority.

Focus

For years I have had good accountability in my life. Currently I meet with a couple of guys who have the freedom and expectation of asking me the tough questions. It's effective most the time but it's easy to get sloppy.

The flesh has an incredible desire to protect it's self and stay hidden. Sometimes I can share just enough to get me off the hook. I, we, must have real focused accountability in our lives.

For more on accountability see...

Is Accountability a Dirty Word? Part 1

Is Accountability a Dirty Word? Part 2

Hope

The gospel is good enough and powerful enough to bring redemption and restoration to these men and yes, to me. Although the stories are sad, within some of what I've heard there has been full restoration and healing. Of course there is a scar, but the work of Jesus brings strength, perhaps even greater strength than before.

Even as I write about my "future moral failure" I'm reminded of a moral failure I had while in college. While serving as a youth intern my girlfriend, now wife, became pregnant. God's grace is sufficient and that incident is a constant reminder of his goodness and grace.

After we became married and had our first son I knew there was no way I could fulfill my calling to youth ministry but God had other plans for me.

Would I choose to relive the pain my sin caused during that time? Absolutely not. But God is a God who restores and his gentle love and patience is so evident in my life.

So, by God's grace, may we be self controlled and alert. May we give attention to our soul.

The name of Jesus is at stake.

We must do whatever it takes.

God of Romance???

Question of the day...

Did God create romance and if so, so what?
How is God's perfect intention different from how most teens view romance?

The Dating Game

Because yesterday was valentines day we spent the evening with high school students discussing love, sex and dating. I'm not going lie, I really dislike the way the American high school student dates. I've never read "I kissed dating good bye" nor do I have a desire too, but I believe strongly that students need to consider a different way to play the "dating game", and we need to help them.

There has to be a better way for students to get to know the opposite sex than the current system. The way it happens now almost seems like marriage without the sex, well sometimes without the sex. A guy and a girl get to know each other, romance wins out over reality and then they start "going together".

From what I remember and understand "going together" means you're in a exclusive relationship and if you pursue or talk to another person jealousy grows and you could be "cheating" in the relationship. For a student who wants to follow Jesus this can be a struggle.


Here's a couple of reasons the current system is concerning for students, especially students who are pursuing Jesus.

The sacrifice of other friendships.

Many times other friendships are sacrificed because there's so much time and energy put into the boyfriend / girlfriend. I know a guy who dated a girl for 3 years during high school. He still struggles having deep friendships into college. Could it be that he never learned what it means to have a friend and be a friend? It can easily disrupt the community God intended with so much focus on one other person.

Boyfriend / Girlfriend Worship

It can also result in "dating worship" which means the boyfriend / girlfriend becomes God and is expected to meet the emotional and many times physical needs of the other. Not only is this unhealthy relationally but God isn't thrilled about it either. At some point they will do whatever it takes to please the other and find acceptance from them. You know where that ends us.


There are many more to add here but you get the point. Here are a couple of principles that challenge the way most teens are doing dating. If students were to consider these seriously it may cause them to take a deep look at how they play the game.

Number 1

1 Tim 5:1-2
Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

Pretty simple. If you wouldn't do it with your brother or sister you probably shouldn't do it with your boyfriend / girlfriend. A student asked last night, "how can I kiss my boyfriend if I think of him as my brother"? Great question isn't it?

Of course there is a time in relationships when the person becomes more than a brother or sister, but that person can still be treated with absolute purity if the relationship shifts to engagement and then marriage. Radical thinking I know, but it's something we and high school students should consider.

Here's the 2nd principle.

Phil 2:3-4
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

In my experience most dating relationships are driven by self centeredness. It's all about how it makes me feel and what I can get out of it. The dating game doesn't have immunity. The Bible's teachings on how we treat each other also apply to our boyfriends and girlfriends. In the context and craziness of young romance it's difficult to put the others first in a healthy Godly fashion.

Now, I know there are many dating relationships out there that are healthier than others, but can't we find a new system? Is there a way we can help students relate to one another that is better? This is a big deal because deep romance is in the air high school students breath. It consumes their time, energy and discussion. We have to find a way to be different.