I've always struggled with self love. In his song "obsession" Martin Smith admits, "I carry pride like a disease". That's me.
My pride comes out in so many ways. It comes out when I talk about myself and try to "one up" others. It comes out in my allowing others to serve me without lifting a finger to serve. It comes out when I compare myself with others. It comes out in meetings where I want my voice to be heard and people to be impressed with me. It comes out when I neglect prayer and act as if I can do life without God. I, I, I, me, me, me,.
In 2005 my friend Connie gave me a book. I know it was 2005 because in the front of the book it says, "Christmas 2005". The name of the book is "humility, true greatness". Yes, it's taken 4 years for me to pick it up. So why now?
The last couple of months I have felt this war with pride raging inside me. I don't want God to resist me, I want him to look on me and give me grace. This morning I read the 1st chapter. Here's my response.
I must repent. Repentance is God's way of bringing us back into intimacy and blessing with him. After every chapter I read I'm going to write a little about my pride and my journey to more fully embrace humility.
The next couple of weeks could be painful, but I long for God's gracious love and power in every facet of my life. With unrestrained pride experiencing God's grace is impossible.
So, here's a question, when people (my wife, kids, coworkers, friends) look at my life would they describe it as a life of humility?
May we be a people who clearly see God's holiness and our sinfulness. That's the beginning of true humility.