Fighting for Solitude

I'm working my way through Ruth Barton's book, "Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership". The word "working" is used with great intention because this doesn't seem to be a book I can quickly read.

For years those of us in spiritual leadership have talked about and emphasized the importance of caring for our own souls and spending time alone to reflect on our Lord and our own souls. As I continue to read and reflect I am more and more convinced that I'm a mess in need of a savior and that time alone with Jesus to let him do his work is not an option.

You know how it is, there's always something to do or see. Even for those who have the best intention there is always some good to do for the Kingdom. There's one more phone call, one more hour of prep, or one more email to answer. In our age of communication and technology there's one more tweet, one more college football game or another blog to read. "Muchness" and busyness are many times drugs that keep us from those quite reflective times. To be honest some of us fill our lives with activity so we don't have to face what's going on underneath the surface of our own lives.

Speaking of solitude, Barton says the leader must sit at the feet of Jesus...

"Then, rather than offering the cold stone of past devotionals, regurgitated apologetics or someone else's musings about the spiritual life, we well have the bread to offer that is warm from the oven of our intimacy with God".

Have you ever been tired of serving others out of a vacuum?

It's very difficult to give what you don't have or say with conviction that which you don't really believe at the moment.

Ever been at the place where there's really nothing left to give but you make it up because you have no choice? Yeah, me too.

Here are a couple questions I'm asking myself...

When's the last time I had time alone when I heard the voice of God?

When's the last time I took a full day to be still and listen to God?

Here's questions I want to ask you...

What do you do to find times of solitude? Is this something you battle? Have you found ways to find the margin in your life to "be still"?

Those of us who call ourselves spiritual leaders have no choice but to fight for times of solitude. Don't just do something, sit there.

The Essence of All Sin

I'm taking a little time over the next few days to meditate on the issue of pride versus humility. Self love / pride has long been a struggle in my life but has recently become more evident to me. I'm not sure if I've been more arrogant or if God is graciously making me more aware of my pride. It doesn't really matter.

The catalyst for my thinking is a book by C. J. Mahaney called "Humility, True Greatness". Here are some thoughts from the second chapter - "The Peril Of Pride".

Pride and inadequacy can coexist...

I've often wondered how I can find myself so proud when I feel so inadequate. I don't mean simply not as gifted or talented but also in the middle of sin. I used to think that my life was characterized by lust OR pride. I've come to learn that even in my darkest hours of sin pride can still be right there with me. It seems crazy doesn't it? It's a reminder that self love doesn't really make sense at all. It is beyond logic. I had a pastor that used to say that sin short circuits the brain. That's absolutely true with pride.

Do I hate pride the way God hates pride?

God actively opposes the proud. He detests the one with haughty eyes. He says he hates pride and arrogance. I'm not sure I hate my pride the way God does. I must. Here's what Jonathan Edwards says...

"What a foolish, silly, miserable, blind, deceived, poor worm am I when pride works."

Why does God take pride so seriously? Mahaney says that pride is contending against God for supremacy. That puts pride in a whole different light doesn't it? Do I really want to compete with God to receive the glory that is reserved for God and God alone?

Isa 42:8

8 "I am the Lord; that is my name!
I will not give my glory to another
or my praise to idols.

Today I'm asking God to give me incredible sensitivity to pride in my life. As soon as it raises it's ugly head I want see it and deal with it.

Today, may we be people who wage war against prideful thoughts and words...

The Exxon Man

The coolest thing just happened. I was at the Exxon station here in beautiful Flower Mound Texas after hanging out with some high school kids at Chick-F-La. Out of nowhere a truck driver walked up and started talking to me.

He drove one of those huge tanker trucks that delivers gas. I know he was an Exxon man because he was wearing a hard hat that said "Exxon". I'm smart that way.

He was just nice and cheery. Not in an artificial, annoying way but in an organic natural way. He asked me a couple of questions. "Are you on your way to work or just somewhere to relax?" (I had on my sweat pants) I said "oh, neither". Then he told me he didn't want to take up any of my time. He wasn't, I was pumping gas.

Then came the big question, "I have here a gospel tract, would it be ok if I gave it to you?" Now, honestly this isn't really my style at all. I like to build relationships with people and share my life in such a way that gives me opportunity to live out the gospel before them. Kind of a share the gospel at all times and if necessary use words approach.

My response to the Exxon man? "Absolutely" He then said this, "this may be the only opportunity today for you to hear that God loves you".

It made my day! I'm so thankful I ran into him. Some of you are hoping I meditate on the tract and finally got saved. I didn't, but it did remind me that we are to boldly live out and speak the gospel in every aspect of our lives. At church, the restaurant, our work place, our school, our sports team or club and yes even the Exxon station.

May we have a whimsical, bold and gentle delivery of the gospel today, whether we wear a hard hat or not. Will we?

iamlast

Many of you have seen or heard of the "I am Second" campaign. If you haven't you should check it out at iamsecond.com. It takes people who are famous and / or just normal and lets them tell the story of why God is first in their life and why they are "second". It's well done and I'm sure God is using it to bring many to himself.

However, this morning I'm struggling with not what it means to be second, but what it means to be last. I'm reading, meditating and studying the gospels this year in my personal worship time. Over the last couple of days in my readings, Jesus has been talking about sacrifice and if you want to be first you must be the servant of all. Jesus says he didn't come to "be served but to serve and to give his life".

I have a huge problem with all of this, my bent is not to serve but to be served. I love it when people take care of me. I don't like to sacrifice and be last. I don't even like waiting in lines. But Jesus clearly says "many who are first will be last, and the last first".

So how in the world do I reconcile my natural desire for supremacy with the clear teachings of Jesus? Who I am and what he teaches seems to be separated by this uncrossable canyon.

One option is to try harder. That's right, today as I go on my merry way I'll just decide that I'm going to be more intentional about serving others. I'll be more disciplined in my thought process and I'll stop thinking of myself more highly than I should.

Sure, that may be part of the answer but my experience has been that my effort always results into sliding back into the same selfish patterns. Here's what's really cool about the teachings of Jesus. If he teaches something he automatically provides the ability live it out.

Paul says there's a mystery, it's Christ in us. Jesus does in us what we cannot do ourselves. So this morning, by God's grace, I'm starting a "I Am Last" campaign." You won't see me on any billboards (although that would be kind of cool). Here's what I'm going to do in response to what God has been teaching me the last couple of days.

1. Repent - this isn't a very popular word today, but it's God's way of ushering us back into deeper intimacy with him. Self centeredness is sin. My only response can be to agree with him that I'm disobedience and ask for forgiveness.

2. Ask for Grace - To be last it's going to require the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit.

3. Look for opportunity - I want to look for opportunities this week to serve others, secretly. Are there ways I can serve those around me without them knowing I did it? Sometimes by serving we still end up with selfishness, and yes, I'm that screwed up. Secret service may deal a death blow to my flesh. Who is going to praise me for being such a great servant if only Jesus and I know who is doing it?

So, over the next couple of days if you think about me pray for me and I will you. What would happen if followers of Jesus everywhere followed his example of washing the feet of those around us? It would bring him great glory.