Monday, March 7, 2011

Teen Age Dream - The Final Talk

Ok, I hope this will be my last post on teen dating for a while. The way high school students approach romance is a huge deal. It effects all their relationships, relationships with friends, relationships with family and yes relationship with God.

You can look here to see an outline of the entire series.

Teen Age Dream - A Look at Teen Romantic Relationships

We did our final talk last night on romantic relationships and and I finally gave them some practical advice. We were careful not to say "thus saith the Lord" because I don't want some sort of extra Biblical legalism. In fact, these final points simply flow from wisdom from the Word and experience.

I'm finding from my life group leaders that my main points frustrated some of them and made others angry.

Of course there was much more said, but here's the gist of the outline.

7 Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don't excite love, don't stir it up,
until the time is ripe — and you're ready


1. Yes, but not yet…
Be patient

2. Say no to exclusive relationships

It seems high school relationships are just like marriages without the ring, vowes and sex, well, sometimes without the sex. When you think about it, when we are “going with” someone or “facebook” official it’s just like a marriage. You can cheat on the other person, you can break up with that person….

3. Remember there is strength in numbers
a. It’s much safer from a physical temptation perspective
b. It allows Christian community to speak into the relationship
c. It slows down emotional intimacy
d. It prevents that weird go crawl into a hole dating thingy

4. Remember your heart belongs to Jesus.
He is the only person who can ever truly “complete” you.

Zeph 3:17
17 The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

I shouldn't be surprised students are frustrated but it does make me a little sad. It exposes how important it is for us to gently lead students through the journey.

May we show them and lead them to the passionate love of Jesus. Then and only then will they find satisfaction in him and nowhere else.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Prayer for the Day

This really impacted me this morning...

"O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing; Send your Holy Spirit and pour into our hearts your greatest gift, which is love, the true bond of peace and of all virtue, without which whoever lives is accounted dead before you. Grant this for the sake of your only Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Dating - Raising the Bar

Last night and this morning I'm hanging out with my friend Nick in Colorado Springs. He's a great youth pastor with a sharp mind. (well, kind of) We've been talking about teens and dating and thinking about what it would look like to raise the bar for students.

Earlier this morning Nick said something very profound. He said for years the church and Christian parents have basically said anything goes as long as you make it to your wedding bed a virgin. As a matter of fact many times parents love the whole dating game and encourage their kids to play and play often.

Here's the problem. When emotional intimacy is achieved physical intimacy isn't far behind. It's kind of like throwing kids in the pool and telling them not to get wet. It also seems that God's heart and desire for students goes deeper than sex.

What if the goal was deeper and more profound than virginity? What if the question was something like this?

What does it look like for students to relate to the opposite sex in a way that is healthy for them and glorifying to God?

Answering this question goes deeper than "how far is too far".

When I asked my high school students how often high school kids think or talk about the opposite sex they said at least 90% of the time. Now, I know that isn't a scientific pole, but this is a huge deal for our students. For those of us who work with students we must help them think through how the gospel applies to their dating relationships.

We shouldn't be satisfied with kids limping over the finish line of marriage virgins. Healthy, God honoring relationships go much deeper than saving your body for marriage. It's also an issue of saving your heart for marriage.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

God of Romance???

Question of the day...

Did God create romance and if so, so what?
How is God's perfect intention different from how most teens view romance?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Student Led Worship Gathering - A Student's Perspective


Students are gifted in so many ways. By helping students discover, develop and utilize their giftedness those of us who work with teenagers invite them to get off the bench and into the game. Ministry is not simply something they come and watch, it's something God has gifted them to do.

There are all kinds of ways students can lead and serve but one way is allowing them to plan, prepare and lead worship gatherings. Last Sunday night IBC student ministry hosted their third student led gathering.

Here's what high school junior Wren Culp had to say about it.

Unity. Dictionary.com defines it as “a whole or totality as combining all its parts into one.” Combining all its parts into one. Like many pastors have told me before, I am a working member in the body of christ. But I myself am just one of the many pieces of the puzzle that makes the body function. I have my unique abilities and people have theirs. Student Led Worship services let students use those abilities to greater benefit the lives of their friends. Anybody that wants to help in and join in on the process of making these happen can because it’s not the David Grant and Trey Grant worship service, it’s the student led worship. Students are running the show, on stage and off.

Never have I seen such power fill a room than it has in these last three gatherings. Never before have I seen that many people have their hearts changed. Never before have I seen such unity. Unity with each other, but more importantly unity with God. Without unity with God, we cannot stand. Unity with God and unity with others is all we need.


“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” - Ecclesiastes 4:12

It's hard work to hand off ministry and leadership to students. To be honest it's a lot easier to just do it yourself but the lasting impact is worth it.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Teen Age Dream - A look a teen romantic relationships


Isn't it cute when teens get together and start dating? They become facebook official and all the cute pics start coming in. Or could it be that below the surface the dating game is more dangerous than we think.

Most romantic relationships are driven by selfishness and insecurity. Sure, every once in a while you'll run across the exception, but for the most part teen age dating relationships lead to idolatry, physical compromise, isolation, broken friendship and intense pain at the breakup.

Starting February 13 our middle school and high school ministries are beginning a 4 week series called "Teen Age Dream". I know it's corny, in fact our goal is to have as many corny elements as possible. Every week we'll show a short clip from "Saved By the Bell" to enhance the level of corn.

As far as content, here is a brief look at the topics for the four weeks.

God of Romance

Romance was not created by Arthur Fonzarelli. It was God's idea and heart that we would connect with the opposite sex in an romantic way. If he made us that way we should perhaps pay attention to his perspective.

God of Purity

Purity is more than resisting intercourse before marriage. It's an issue of the heart and mind.

Does the Bible say anything about dating relationships?

The Bible speaks of marriage and courtship but says nothing about our system of dating. In fact the way teens deal with romantic relationship would be very foreign in the first century or earlier. However, the Bible has much to say about how we treat each other. Romantic relationships shouldn't have in invisible bubble that make them immune to the one another principles taught in scripture.

Is there a better way than the current system?

I hope students will be open to thinking through ways to interact with the opposite sex that are different than the current model. If you work with students you have experienced the struggle and sometimes devastation that can happen to students when they buy in to the romance crazy culture in which they live. Surely there is a way that is healthier for students and more honoring to God.

So what do you think? What are we leaving out? Perhaps I'm I over reacting?

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Quote of the Day

"Doesn't everything die at last and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your
one wild and precious life?"

Mary Oliver

Monday, January 24, 2011

Quote of the Day

"God may thunder His commands from Mount Sinai and men may fear, yet remain at heart exactly as they were before. But let a man once see his God down in the arena as a Man - suffering, tempted, sweating, and agonized, finally dying a criminal's death - and he is a hard man indeed who is untouched."

J.B. Phillips

Thursday, January 20, 2011

How parents can distort their children's view of God (talking points)

Looking for something to teach this Sunday to parents I ran across these talking points for parents. As a Father each of these points still resonates with me. I hope it helps / encourages those of you with the privelege of shepherding parents. These are just talking points not necessarily complete thoughts.

I have always wanted to clearly display who God is to my children. One of my life passages is this Psalm. Look at how many times the Psalmist speaks of his role in proclaiming God clearly to those who are younger than us.

Ps 71:14-18

14 But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come.

Growing faith in our children comes by communicating to them a clear view of the character of God. As parents we communicate more with our lives than our words. Our children view God through the window of our lives.

God is the one who pursues and changes hearts but I want to be a part of the process not a hindrance. So with all this in mind I was thinking through ways parents can distort or limit their children’s view of God.

Ways to distort or limit your kid’s view of God…

Pretend everything is great…(horrible headwound harry) (communicates that he isn’t involved enough)

o As parents we can have the tendency to act like everything is ok when it’s obviously not…we don’t want to add stress to our kids. It steals from our kids an opportunity for them to see us depend heavily on God…

Point: Don’t be afraid to have wise transparency with your kids…
o Admit failure and ask for forgiveness
o Let them know about financial struggle


Protect Your Kids From Everything (communicates that he isn’t strong enough)

o We have a responsibility to provide and protect our children, but we should always look for ways to wisely put them in dependence on God. We could get into a long discussion on what we should allow our kids to be exposed to as far as media…
It steals from our kids an opportunity for them to depend on God…

Point: We must be intentional about putting our kids in situations where they need God.
o Mission trips
o Public schooling?
o Extra curricular school activities

Practice Idolatry (pepsi commercial) (communicates that he isn’t satisfying enough)

o What would your son are daughter say is most important to you? They will view God with the same passion and focus you do. When we live our lives for everything else but God and still communicate that God is most important in our lives, our kids will not understand how to love God with all our soul mind and strength. He is supreme and worthy of all our lives.

Point: Ask God for the grace to love him preeminently

Prioritize performance over heart (communicates that he isn’t gracious enough)

o I’ve always tried to teach my kids that effort is more important than the result. God honors our hearts. (Lady who gave a penny) If we are always focusing on the performance of our kids they will try to perform to please us and God.

Point: God of grace. Our kids should never feel they must earn our acceptance.

Deut 6:6-9
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Quote of the Day

The main problem in the Christian life is that we have not thought out the deep implications of the gospel, we have not ‘used’ the gospel in and on all parts of our life.

Tim Keller

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Youth Group - Is it a safe place?

When Michaela started to tell her story she was a few drinks into her evening. By the way she looked I would have guessed she was 65ish but she was only 53. Her voice was raspy and loud from years of smoking cigarettes and most likely other things.

I’m not sure why she started speaking with me. Early in our conversation she asked me what I did. Usually I don’t enjoy telling people I’m a pastor but for some reason I let the cat out of the bag immediately. After I shared my confession she stared at me for about 15 seconds wondering how she should respond. I actually thought my budding friendship was only going to last a minute.

She finally gained her composure and told me she was a Catholic Jew who was baptized Southern Baptist. I was pretty impressed with her religious diversity.

If she said it once she said it 50 times in our short encounter. “Remember, your not a man of God, you’re a man with God and a man for God”. To be honest I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about…until I heard her story.

She began to tell me a story that would haunt me the rest of the night. When Michaela was 7 she and her parents where in a car accident. Very little happened to her physically but both her parents where killed. From there her life was spent from foster family to foster family and yes, her experience was horrific.

She told me about the abuse and how every one of her “parents” were fostering so they could collect the $350 a month that was provided. The abuse ranged from locking her in a room without food to sexual abuse. She had lived an incredibly sad childhood.

It was at this point in the story that her “man of God versus man for God” statement began to become clear. You see, Michaela was in church pretty consistently. She had some great experiences in church but also some negative.

Many times she told someone in church leadership about what was going on behind the closed doors of her home. Either they didn’t believe here or didn’t know what to do. They did nothing. People where given the opportunity to speak for one who had no voice and they squandered the opportunity to rescue. I’m not sure why.

Sure, today it’s a little bit different. Church leaders and youth pastors are better equipped and more qualified to deal with these kind of issues when they come up, right? I sure hope so.

Michaela has some serious trust issues with those of us who are in ministry. She didn’t know me at all but in no way believed I was a “man of God”, she’s more right than she knows. After reflecting for a while I think her point is that even though pastors should communicate who God is and the beauty of his gospel, we’re still very flawed.

After talking for 20 minutes or so she gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. She reminded me once again I’m a man WITH God not OF God and told me to keep doing what I’m doing. (she has no idea what I do).

It made we wonder, for those of us who care about kids how are we doing in being an advocate for them? Have there been times in my ministry that kids have cried out for help but I’ve been too busy or distracted to listen?

We must create environments where students feel the freedom and safety to share about the junk going on. Whether it’s abuse or failure, what are we doing to make sure students can talk about the tough stuff of life without judgment or skepticism?

My we be people who by God's grace rescue those who have no voice. Would Michaela's life be different if someone had listened?

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Years - Greatest Holiday in the Universe

Ok, that's a big statement but today really is one of my favorite days of the year. Yes, I love college football and will watch far more than I should but New Years Day is more than college football. Did I just say that?

Before the games get going you might consider getting some time alone to meditate and dream.

Remember

Sometimes we're like kids on Christmas morning, we receive great toys, play with them for a couple of days and forget about what we received. New Years day gives a great excuse to go through the previous year's calendar and REMEMBER all God has done. No matter what kind of year we experienced in 2010 God's hand is evident for those of us who follow him. Go through your calendar and remember all he has done. Take time and give thanks.

Dream

What an incredible excuse to sit, think, pray and dream about what God might do in the next year. As God gives vision write down what you believe he might be doing in your personal, family and ministry life. This is especially important if you are a leader. It's the responsibility of the leader to think longer thoughts. And hey, dream big, he's a great big God.

Plan

For as long as I can remember I've used late December / early January to plan what I will focus on for my personal study. 2 years ago I focused on the book of Isaiah, last year was the book of Psalms. I will be spending 2011 in the gospels, primarily the gospel of John. Yes, time in community with others is a priority for me, but personal focus in the Word and prayer is where God convicts, encourages and stretches my soul. Thinking about how to spend that time is worth the effort.

Yes, I'm about to slip into HD college football bliss (well almost, Notre Dame already thumped Miami yesterday) but I'm thankful for all God did in 2010 and anticipating his faithfulness in 2011.

Hey, Happy New Years!

Monday, December 27, 2010

I Was Shoeless... Student's Perspective

A couple weeks ago some students went to "Shiloh", an apartment complex in south Dallas that houses African refuges. Our purpose was pretty simple, distribute 120 pairs of shoes and coats. Here's the perspective of Gavin, a freshman in high school.

"Those white buses to us, may seem like hours of uncomfortable rides, but to those children at Shiloh, it seems more along the lines of fun and joy and of presents. As we passed through those oh so familiar entry gates, it took only a few minutes for the environment to set in. It was one of chaos and screaming and punching, but also of loving and laughing and not caring how stupid we may look. Those quick smiles as the doors were opened to be greeted by people not of their own culture bringing gifts was enough to drive anybody to endure the next few hours of what could be viewed as psychotic entertainment. After the shoes were delivered, it was fun time from then on only to be interrupted by the much apparent rehearsed and prepared for play telling the story of the birth of Jesus. And as we were finally loading up on the buses, there is always one straggler kid to hop onto the bus as well or, more surprising, on fender or roof. It's never easy to go to Shiloh, but that doesn't mean that we don't have an amazing time serving others and laughing all the time."  

Thursday, December 23, 2010

X-Mas - Great Time to Connect with College Students

We actually did something pretty cool at our home last night. It wasn't my idea (most of the cool ideas aren't) it was a team coming together and dreaming about how to better connect with our college students and former students.

It was pretty simple, we called it "Home for the Holidays" and utilized facebook to invite people between the ages of 18 - 23 to join us for a time of reconnecting. We had a lot of food (if you're hungry for something sweet, come on over) 2 fireplaces on the back patio and a great time of connecting and reconnecting.

Here's where it gets really cool, we invited our high school seniors. Like many, we're looking for fresh ways to help our college students know they are still a part of our church family, even when they temporarily move away for education. I told our high school seniors that next Christmas they would be the ones home for Christmas. They're already excited about Christmas break 2011.

The highlight of the night for me was watching a girl who is a sophomore in college connect with a current high school senior who is thinking about attending the same university. I know if she goes to this university she'll have Godly connection immediately.

We don't want students who go away for college feel like their in purgatory when they come home for the holidays or summer. They are a part of our church family. We must help them know they have support and a place where they're loved.

So here's a question, have you seen or experienced some great ideas connecting with college students when they're home? Do share.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

I was shoeless...



In a couple of hours I'm joining students and adults from our students ministry to hand out shoes to African refuges. It's exciting to be around students who understand the gospel is not just a story that is spoken, it's a story that's lived out.

To be honest, our students lead the charge when it comes to caring for the needy. Our senior class life group and leaders went above and beyond in this project. They gave over $500 towards shoes and socks for children who are needy.

Why are they so engaged in helping? It goes beyond just good will at Christmas. I genuinely believe God is continually doing a work in their lives and part of living that out is caring and giving the way Jesus would.

It's going to be exciting! Maybe I'll post some pics later.