Short Term Mission Trip - A Horrible Thing to Waste

Do you take students on short-term mission trips?  

If you do, you know the incredible work that happens in the hearts of students and also in the hearts of those receiving ministry.  Kids can make a huge impact across the street and around the world.

I just got home from an international mission trip with our students so this is very fresh.  Here are some important questions I'm trying to answer in my own heart...

How do we maximize and inject discipleship into our short term mission strategy?

How do our trips fit into the rest of our ministry strategy?

How do we help students see and trust Jesus more through our short trips?

How do we use our mission trips to teach kids theology?

A short-term mission trip is a horrible thing to waste.

Some quick and very random thoughts...

Should I Tell The Parents? - 4 Thoughts To Consider

It's a tough question isn't it?  

If your ministry is going well it's good and natural for students to trust the adults around them.  As trust is developed sometimes they'll share struggles and failures with a small group leader or a pastor that they might not share with their parents.

So what do we do with that information?  

Should we tell their parents EVERYTHING?

Do we tell parents NOTHING?

Last week some smart people chimed in with some thoughts and ideas worth considering.

Should You Tell The Parents?

As I've listened to their wisdom here's some thoughts I've been considering when faced with the question, "when should we include parents?"

Some situations are black and white

Should You Tell The Parents?

I had a discussion with a volunteer small group leader that I have often in student ministry.  It went something like this.

"Susie (generic girl name) says she no longer believes in God, should I talk to her parents?"

Other questions that come up are, "he tried cigarettes, should I tell his parents?" or "she's dating THAT guy, should I talk to her parents?" or "he said a bad word..."

You get the idea.  

As we seek to disciple students and partner with parents when do we bring parents into these kinds of conversations?  Our small groups are governed by principles of confidentiality but as you know that doesn't mean you never share what's going on in a kids life.

So, here's the question...

When do you bring parents into the loop as it relates to "confidential" conversations with kids?

I have some ideas but wanted to hear what ya'll (I'm in Texas) have to say first.

Let's learn from one another...

Is Your Summer Camp Cheesy?

I’ve had the privilege of doing a lot of Summer Camp this year and currently I'm in Gulf Shores at my church's high school camp.

To be really honest with you, I think camp is kind of cheesy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love camp and believe God uses those experiences all over the country to move students towards his heart and I actually enjoy the cheesiness. As I’m staring down the barrel of our camp this weekend here are some things I’m thinking about to embrace the cheese but more importantly position our students where they’ll rub up against Jesus.

Camp should reflect your overall student ministry strategy

In other words, if you’re a ministry driven by adult leaders and small groups, your camp should have those opportunities. If your ministry is highly missional in nature, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to provide some missional experience at camp or at least expose students to injustices in the world. If your ministry is all about production then do that to the max. In fact, it might be better to go to Big Stuff or something that does production at the highest level.

The point is this, your camp should reflect what your priorities are in your ministry. Summer camp isn’t a stand-alone event, it’s connected to the rest of your ministry.

Work hard at having fun

To be honest this is a tough one for me. Fun is a high priority for my ministry, it just can’t be dependent on me to pull it off. This weekend one of our key leaders is the mc. She is absolutely hilarious and extremely fun. If you’re a fuddy dudd like me find someone who is fun and put them in charge.

Camp isn't a destination, it’s a doorway

You know this already, the challenge with camp is helping students process and live out what God does at camp when they get home. What about taking the entire last session or 2 to help students process and imagine what God is going to do when they get home? Many times camp builds towards that “last night” experience. Why not have that experience earlier in the week to help students unpack what God is teaching them and helping them prepare to go home?

If our camp is just about camp and not life change where students live work and play we have missed an incredible opportunity. 

Focus on the gospel not the experience

Students (and adults) can easily be lured into worshipping an experience instead of God. The story of what Jesus has done on our behalf must be the centerpiece of every camp no matter what the theme. 

Jesus doesn’t only live at your camp location. If students come home embracing the gospel and all that means in their life then their walk with him will have been truly deepened.

So, embrace the cheese and enjoy how God seems to work in a special way at our summer camps. By the way, I met Jesus at our church’s summer camp in Jekyll Island, Georgia. It will be cool to hear stories over the years of how God has worked at your camp this summer.

3 Quick Camp Thoughts - Sweat the Details AND Get Out of the Weeds

We're right in the middle of final preparations for Beach Camp 2013.

When you're responsible to get over 200 people 12 hours away there are tons of administrative details.

Busses, vans, food, production, adult leaders, communicating to parents, rules, speakers, bands, budgets, schedules, booklets, rooming assignments...

As you know this list is just the beginning.

To pull off an effective camp you have to take care of the details.  Let's be honest, youth pastors / workers are not usually known for their administrative effectiveness.  It's very important we make sure all the details are accomplished.  Let me say it again, SWEAT THE DETAILS.

However, I've found that as we get closer to camp it's easy to get stuck in the weeds.  Here's what I mean.  Sometimes you get so overwhelmed with the details you just focus on the WHAT for the trip, not the WHY.

What about some balance?  

Here are some thoughts our team has been considering as we try to balance the vision of camp with the details of camp.

Camp is about God changing individual lives...

As we've looked over the lists of kids who have signed up we are constantly brainstorming who isn't on the list and why.  We even grab last years sign up list to compare.  If we haven't heard from a kid in a while it gives a great excuse to reach out and invite them to attend.  The response has been incredible.

At the end of the day it isn't about the total number of kids at camp but each individual student and the potential of God's gospel work in their lives.  We want them at camp because we believe there's something significant about taking a few days away to connect with God and one another.

Camp is about adult / student relationships...

The student ministry philosophy where I serve is built on Godly adult leaders investing in the lives of kids.  Our camp reflects this philosophy.  As important as getting kids there getting the right adults is crucial.  

We've also found that having key leaders at camp gives them great momentum in going into their fall small group ministry.  Is there a better place to deepen relationships than camp?

Camp is about God...

These few days in Gulf Shores are a part of the tremendous story God is telling.  As our camp story reflects and contributes to God's story he is the one who receives the glory He is due.  It's not about a person, church or even an experience.  It's truly about God doing his transformative work in and through us.

It's important to get our heads above the clouds to remember what happens at camp echoes in eternity.

So, we need to make sure we take care of all the details.  Communicate well and take time to work on administration but don't forget the why of camp.  

Remind yourself and others about the tremendous potential that's sitting right before you.  Don't miss the forest because of all the trees.

Should I Wear A Speedo? - Beach Camp Modesty

Recently there's been a lot of conversation around the web concerning swimwear, particularly girl's swimwear.

Here's what people are asking...

What is modesty?
Is a girl responsible for a guy lusting?
What about girls lusting?
Who gets to decide what is modest dress and what isn't?
Should I wear a speedo?

The purpose of this post isn't to argue the specifics of Biblical modesty or make a judgement about swimwear, it's simply to share where our student ministry team has landed on our bathing suit policy.

There's no doubt scripture teaches us we should present ourselves in a way that's modest.  We should praise those who want to be modest and encourage those who aren't but how does modesty relate to what we wear and who gets to decide?

For example, a couple weeks ago I was in Amish country in Pennsylvania.  Their view would be way different from Christians who grew up in south Florida.  How do we find a balance that honors God?

Youth groups all over the country head to the coast for summer camp and have to make decisions about their bathing suite rules. So as youthworkers how do we make decisions that are founded on grace and truth?  How we address the bathing suite issue is important because it teaches our guys and girls about Biblical modesty which goes much deeper than the question of a one piece or two piece at camp.

At my home church we're about to send out the packing list for our beach camp.  This is where we've landed for this year's camp and yes, it could change next year.

A word about your bathing suit…

Ok, it’s time to pack for camp!

As you’re thinking about your 2013 beach wear options I want to share some thoughts.

Modesty is a very subjective thing.  You could ask 10 different people if an outfit or bathing suite is modest and you may get 10 different responses.

We ask you to do your best choosing bathing suite options that are modest.  For example, girls, please no string bikinis and please make sure you have straps on top.  Guys, please make sure your trunks don’t sag and no Speedos.  :)

It may be a good idea to wear your swimsuits in front of your moms and dads for their opinion.

At the end of the day if our staff feels your swimsuit (guys or girls) is not appropriate for beach camp we’ll ask you to change or wear a shirt.

And remember; if you’re not laying out or swimming please wear a cover up.

This isn’t about a one piece or two piece (I’ve seen one pieces far more revealing than two pieces) but about a desire for each of you to present yourselves appropriate to one another.

Thank you so much for hearing our heart on this!  We’re looking forward to an incredible time.

Yes, it would probably be easier to say "no two pieces" or to simply stay away from swimwear all together (go to the mountains).  We decided to embrace the messiness and have conversations with kids if the need arises.  If someone wears a swimsuit (or anything else for that matter) that is inappropriate we want to talk to them about WHAT they're wearing but also WHY they're wearing it.  The WHY questions is what gets to the heart of Biblical modesty.

By the way, this isn't a condemnation on those who have stricter rules, we could be wrong about this.  In fact, I would love to hear push back and advice.  

What do you think about our swimwear "policy"?  How is yours different?

We're all ears.

Oh, and just to ease your mind, I'm leaving my speedo at home this summer.  Next year?  We'll see.


To learn more about what's being said about modesty check out these websites.

The Evolution of the Swimsuit

Modesty - It's Not What You Think

Is Itsy-Bitsy Wrong?

Just Wondering - How Are We Building Church?

I'm just wondering...

What if churches in America were built ONLY on connecting people to Jesus, each other and mission?

This isn't a commentary on any church or pastor (especially my home church) BUT it seems that the "famous" churches or the churches we praise as being successful in America are built around "famous" and gifted leaders.

Maybe if I were one of those leaders I would feel different, but it seems the body of Christ would be stronger and more effective in it's mission if there was less talk about it's church leaders and more talk about it's Head.

Just wondering...

??

4 Reasons this Dad / Pastor is Thankful for our Student Ministry

 

Over the past few days I've been overwhelmed by the influence student ministry has had on my family.  It's good to stop and reflect.

It's been quite a week.  My 2 oldest sons drove from Georgia to be with the family for my daughter's high school graduation.  Andrew, Austin, Zach and Lauren were all in Dallas as were my in-laws and parents.  What an amazing time.

As a youth pastor my goal has never been to develop relationship with every kid in the youth group, that would be impossible and ineffective.  My deep desire has been to insure every kid has opportunity for meaningful relationship with adults who love Jesus and love them.  

As a father I'm thankful this is the heart of our student ministry.

You see, over the last days I've been reminded of the Godly adults who have shared life with my daughter.  Of course her brothers and grandparents have been there, but then there's Shelly, Brian, Lori, Scott, Alisha, Nat, Dana, Sasha, Mary Ann, Chris, Chelsea, Sylvia, Bryan, Allison, Steve, Jackie, Andrea, Mark, Jade, Javi, Jenn, Susan, Carrie and so many more.  

Some of these relationships have come organically through my friendships but others have come through our student ministry's intentional desire to connect Godly adults with kids.  It seems this is the way the body of Christ is supposed to function.

As I've been reflecting here are areas I'm particularly thankful for...

A safe place for Godly council - 

As a dad I don't know everything nor do I need to know everything going on in the life of my daughter.  I'm so thankful for a safe place for Lauren to share her struggles with Godly adults who love her.  Within these relationships she can doubt, cry, complain and struggle.  I TRUST THEM to provide great Godly wisdom.

A voice of reinforcement -

Obviously I'm not privy to conversations with my daughter and her adult leaders, however, I do know them well enough to know they point her to Biblical truth and wisdom.  You know how it is, as a parent your kids think you no nothing, but when someone else speaks truth it all of a sudden makes sense.  We've needed that over the years.

A foundation of prayer - 

I pray for my kids with frequency and fervency but what an incredible blessing to know other adults who are doing the same.  God has answered those prayers and it makes a difference.

Consistent accountability - 

All of us need to be pursued when we lose our way.  I'm in accountability and need my fanny kicked every once in a while.  (ok, maybe often)  It's so comforting to know you're not the only adult saying hard things to your kids.  God has used these conversations to protect my daughter.

Lauren has had and continues to have a constellation of adults speak into her life.  Some of those adults have influenced a little from a distance and others are close with deep ongoing relationship.  Whether a little or a lot, I'm so thankful for each of those encouraging voices.

If you're a parent, help your kids develop deep relationship with other Godly adults.  Take full advantage of your student ministry's small groups.  Trust that God is in the middle of those relationships.

If you're a youth pastor, work to make sure every student has opportunity for connection with trained / Godly adult leaders.  You can't and shouldn't try to disciple every student in your youth group.  But you should seek to see every student discipled.

If you're a youth pastor and a parent?  Rejoice in the truth that God has designed the Body to function this way.  It truly does take a village.

Come As You Are

Sometimes I feel I need to "fix myself" before I can go to God.

Came across this amazing quote from Spurgeon today.  

Let it sink in and enjoy.  Jesus always accepts the one who will come to Him.

"This man receiveth sinners," but He repulses none.  We come to Him in weakness and sin, with trembling faith, and small knowledge, and slender hope; but He does not cast us out.  We come by prayer, and that prayer broken;  with confession, and that confession faulty; with praise, and that praise far short of His merits; but yet He receives us.  We come diseased, polluted, worn out, and worthless; but He doth in no wise cast us out.  Let us come again today to Him who never casts us out.

Thank you God that we come to you as we are.

Students and Fixed Hour Prayer

For over 25 years I've dreamed of ways to help kids connect to God in the Word and prayer.  Although I know people connect with God in different ways I'm not sure students can grow or be spiritually healthy without some sort of spiritual rhythm which includes Bible meditation and prayer.  By the way, this isn't just true for kids, it's true for all of us.

When you speak with kids you hear all kinds of good reasons for not spending focused time with God.  

*  It's boring

*  I don't understand the Bible

*  Nothing really happens

*  I'm way too busy

*  I'm too tired

*  I don't know where to start

*  I can't focus

To be honest, all those reasons make sense but I'm not giving up.  Part of the problem has been we've done a poor job giving kids tools that will help them develop a plan to spend time with God.  This summer we're going to try something a little different and radical for our ministry context.  

For all our kids and especially those who are leading or serving this summer, we're going to challenge them to not only spend time with God once a day but 4 times a day.  Crazy isn't it?

As a "non-liturgical" I'm coming to the party way late but here's what I'm learning.  The concept of "fixed hour prayer" dates back before the early church and has morphed over the centuries.  Many from liturgical traditions practice scheduled prayer and meditation today know as "the daily office", "divine hours" or "fixed-hour prayer".

For a brief but fascinating history check out this article by Phyllis Tickle.

A brief history of fixed-hour prayer

We're using the devotions based on the daily office from the "Book of Common Prayer".  It's pretty simply.  You spend an extended time in the morning in Bible meditation and prayer and shorter periods of time around noon, early evening and right before you go to bed.  These times of prayer and meditation can be done as an individual or as a group.

I came across this great website which students can access on their phone or computer.  (A special thinks to the Church of the Savior in Allen, Texas)

The Daily Office Express

Here's the plan for the summer.

A Short Introduction and Training

In a couple of weeks we're going to meet with our students who are involved in serving and leading.  As we introduce the idea and challenge them to jump in it's going to be important to focus on the heart.  Fixed hour prayer could quickly become a legalistic obligation if we're not careful.  It's always a challenge to keep spiritual rhythms fresh.

Daily Reminders From Your Cell Phone

We're going to ask them  set their phones to go off 4 times a day as a reminder.  Ok, I have no expectation that each student will do this perfectly.  In fact we're going to challenge them to walk in grace through this whole process.  But what if each student spends a little more time in the presence of God?  Even if they can't stop where they are and pray the office it still reminds them that God is present when the alarm goes off.  That's a good thing.

Implemented on Mission Trips and Camp

The daily office will drive our solo time for students and also small group time.  We're thinking creatively on how we can infuse fixed hour prayer into our trips where we have a little more influence on the schedule of students.  Again, the goal is that students would experience God's presence more consistently. 

I'm super excited about how God may use this in my life and the life of our kids.  My hope is that God will use this to connect them with himself, those close to them but also with the church around the world who consistently brings these prayer before the throne.

The Daily Offices are dedicated... to the informing concept of a cascade of prayer being lifted ceaselessly by Christians around the world; to the recognition for every observant of an exultant membership with other observants in a communion of saints across both time and space...

Phyllis Tickle

Am I crazy?

Adult Leaders and Summertime

Ahhhh, summertime and student ministry!!!

Mission trips
Camp
VBS
Texas Rangers Baseball
Slip and Slide Kickball
Bahama Bucks
120 Degrees

I can't wait!  But what about your adult leaders?

Our student ministry is based on "life on life" small groups led by Godly passionate adult leaders.  Our small group program takes the summer off because our leaders need a little break from the hectic school year.  

But there's tension, discipleship isn't a program but a relationship.  

Every spring we struggle with the question, "what's a healthy expectation for our adult volunteers through the summer"?  Summer doesn't weaken their heart for students but our summer schedule doesn't give our leaders a weekly small group setting in which to connect.

It's important that you give them expectations and ideas.  Without a "program" they're attending they may need help understanding what their role should be.  Communicate, communicate, communicate.

In an attempt to find balance with giving our leaders some down time but continue the rhythm of relationship here's what we're asking of them.  

In fact, here's a portion of an email we sent them yesterday.

We want you to have some time off over the summer but also know that relationship doesn’t take time off.  Here’s some suggestions.

1.  Swing by on Sunday nights as often as possible.

We don’t have life groups but we will be having our “What I wish I knew in high school series”.  Your presence is so important to kids.  Show up if you can.

2.  Go to beach camp.

Nothing says “relationship” like camp.  What do you think?

3.  Keep those twitter, Facebook and Instagram relationships going.

It’s not face to face relationship but it reminds kids there are adults who love them and are in the game.

4.  Plan a summer outing.

One time this summer plan something fun for you and your group.  If you need ideas reach out to Chris or Chelsea.

We’re in the process of finishing up our summer calendar.  We will make sure you get a copy asap.  In the meantime here are some dates to put on your calendar.

May 29 – Night to honor graduating Seniors
May 31 – Adult Leader’s Year End Cookout – Mary Ann Connor’s
June 2 – Last Life Group:  “Remember”
July 8 – 12 – Beach Camp
July 17 – Summer SWAG
August 17 – Fall Training (Mandatory for all Leaders)

My hope was to give them options without them feeling pressured.  Many of them will take initiative and go above and beyond.  Others really do need some time to breath and rest.  I hope they feel the freedom to take it.

So, here's to a great 3 months of fruitful student ministry.  

How do you utilize your volunteers through the summer months?  

We're all ears.

Sticks and Stones - Really?

Every once in a while I’m reminded of how important words are.  There’s a popular rhyme we all know, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”.  I’m not sure the origin of this little saying but let’s face it, it’s a lie.

Words, positive and negative, have incredible power.  We have the potential with our words to lift the spirits of a person or add anxiety, to bring a person joy or create discouragement.

Proverbs has much to say about our words and how powerful they are.  Here’s just one example.

A word fitly spoken

is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Just last week I was reminded of how an encouraging statement can make all the difference.  I was struggling with a little discouragement when I received this text from my dad.  It’s as if he and God knew exactly what I needed.

It made so much difference in how I was thinking and feeling.

Students are especially susceptible to words.  They’re already feeling insecure and bad about how they look and behave.  A kind / encouraging word can act as a beacon in a world where they’re constantly hearing how insignificant they are.

When relating to others, my wife, kids, staff, students, I want to be intentional about using words to encourage and strengthen.  The power we have to influence those around us with words is huge.

As I’m thinking through growing in this area here are a few thoughts.

Be a truth teller 

Don’t try to make something up just to encourage someone.  There’s nothing worse than someone trying to blow sunshine up your skirt.  It feels cheap, manipulative and confusing.  As you observe others look for ways God uniquely uses them.  They may not see it unless you tell them.

Be specific

“You’re great” isn’t as good as “I love the way you served little Johnny other night”.  Specificity can help others see how God has uniquely wired them and is using them.  The depth of encouragement is proportionate to how specific you are.

Be consistent

Most people (especially students) already feel they don’t measure up.  They are told over and over that they’re not good enough and will never amount to anything.  As we create a culture of positive words it can act as a rhythm that balances out the lies they are hearing. 

So today as you’re interacting with those around you look for opportunities to use your words to build.  As you use words to encourage you will be lifting the souls of those around you, and that's a good thing.

To make an apt answer is a joy to a man,

and a word in season, how good it is!

Accepting Students Where They Are - 5 Thoughts

No 2 students are the same.

Chris shows up just because his girlfriend is there.

Jessica comes just because her parents make her.

Brandon is there just because he wants to study the Bible.

Lisa shows up just because she loves to sing worship music.

Jonathan comes just because he always has.

Peter is there just because he has fun.

Demarland is always around just because he has nowhere else to go.

Christy is there just because she has always felt loved there.

Encouraging students to move towards Jesus or deeper in Jesus is a value of every student ministry. Different students show up at different points in their spiritual journey which can make it difficult to plan and program.

Maybe you have students who have never heard the clear gospel. There may be students who have been hurt by church and have a deeper cynicism towards faith. Or maybe there are students who are growing and are hungry for the Word. All of us have students who attend church just because their parents make them or they feel it's their religious obligation.

How do we "accept every student where they are and help them move closer to Jesus"?

Of course, the solution is always to connect students in relationship with Godly adults and students but with so much diversity how do we make sure students have the greatest opportunities to move forward in their faith?

Here are 5 thoughts...

Provide Diverse Gathering Opportunities

No 2 pieces of programming should look the same. Most committed students will only give 2 to 3 time slots to your ministry a week. Make sure those gatherings have specific purpose and goals in mind. In other words, avoid having the same programming 2 different times a week.

Know Your Target Audience

Do you have space in your programming for students who have the time and desire to invest in their spiritual life? Do you have a gathering that is designed to engage the friends of your students? Sure, all that we do can impact most of our students, but having a focus will insure we are being sensitive to the issue of spiritual diversity.

Offer Different Size Gatherings

For some students a large group gathering is where they are comfortable "kicking the tires" and testing the waters of church. For others it may be a relaxed small group gathering that allows time to have honest safe discussion about God and faith. Thinking through "large, mid sized, or small" gatherings will insure more students get and stay connected.

Create A Diverse Adult Leadership Team

Some adult leaders are naturally drawn towards the unchurched, others want to take students deep in Bible study. Some adult leaders are athletic while others may love music or technology. Know the hearts of your leaders and place them appropriately. This should also be on your mind when thinking through who to recruit for next fall.

Make "Acceptance" A Core Value

In our church setting we feel the need to serve all our students and their friends. Our desire is to see each student through the eyes of compassion and accept them where they are. This sometimes gets messy but we believe it's the way Jesus sees us. To be honest, sometimes it's easier to love the student far from God than the one who grew up in church, however we're called to accept each of them where they are and point them to Jesus.

May we serve in ministries that recognize the diversity and value of each student. Let's plan and pray that our ministries reflect this desire.

Outgrown Costumes, a Princess and a Dad

I feel like a big 'ole bucket of emotion this morning.  Joy, pride, regret, hope, joy, sadness are just a sample of words that describe how I feel - all at the same time.

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday.  Just so you know, she's the youngest of our children with 3 older brothers.  You can see where this is going.

She's actually one of my heroes.  You see, Lauren has a special place in her heart for people with special needs.  Every day at school for the last 3 years she has spent part of her day serving other students.  She's not intimidated or repulsed, she loves her special class mates and genuinely respects them.  If she had her way she would spend the next years in Honduras or Africa caring for the least of the least.  Who knows what the next few years hold for her?

Lauren is a great friend, hard worker and joy to be around, well, most the time.  There's no limit to how God will continue to use her in the future.  To be honest, I can't wait to see it first hand.

By the way, time flies.  

If you're the parent of younger kids you've heard this before from old people like me.  You've probably responded with a respectful "I know" but trust me, it's really true.  It seems like just yesterday  Lauren was twirling around in her ballerina outfit like a princess.  Now she's a full grown woman.  Who would have thought?  Like you, I was warned.

Enjoy the now.  It won't be here tomorrow.  It's as it should be.

She's outgrown the ballerina costume but the princess part??

Never

Happy Birthday Filia.

Can you hear me?

A group of middle school and high school students were recently asked a simple question.  Their answers were totally anonymous.

"What would you tell your parent / parents if they would simply LISTEN without any repercussion?"

Here's a sample of what they said:

Stop treating me like a child

Please stop looking at my text, they are personal to me!

I have a Facebook account and I still kept my Instagram account as well-without your permission.

Trust my judgment instead of looking through my phone.

I love you.

I love you not matter what I say or do, I always will.

Stop yelling

Please take my ideas and thoughts into consideration.  Consider my point of view more.

I wouldn’t really want to tell them anything important, because there really isn’t anything important to tell them.  I mostly like to keep my feelings to myself.

How hard it is to deal with life and trying to stay away from the guys I love.

I have thoughts about dying because of them. 

I have been thinking about moving to a group home.  I feel like it would be a good option.

I would tell them about my heart for missions and telling other people about God because God has been working with me about that.

I feel pressured by the family.  I was embarrassed as a child of certain things because of you all.

I would tell them to actually spend time with me and not ignore me because it hurts when they ignore me.

I would tell my parents to listen to me more, and not to yell at me.  Those kinda go together.

I would tell them that I don’t like when they blame each other for things that…

Listen to me and not yell at me.

About all my troubles and fears.

They need to understand more than yell at me about my grades.

Tell me truth.  Don’t hide things from me in order to protect me.

I try my hardest.

Believe in me.  Don’t doubt me.

I would tell them to please listen better sometimes.

Listen without arguing.

Give more privacy.

Stop controlling me.

Have strength.  I love you.

Stop being so critical when it comes to grades.

Give me more money.

Love you mom.

Understand me.

Why do you say you love me when you punish me?

You make me do so much!!!

Stop controlling.

I love you.  Thank you.

Get back together.

My life, not yours.

I watched porn.

Stop saying yes when you want to say no.

Please stop reading my texts.  They are privacy!  I do nothing bad and you know that.

I’m struggling in school and I try my hardest to pass.

I don’t like eating sometimes, but I don’t think I’m fat.

I’m bi-sexual.

Mom and Dad, I love you!

Mom-stop drinking and being mean.

Pay more attention to me.

Mom-stop being mean to me and yelling.

Stop screaming at me.

You shouldn’t be so overprotective.  I’m sorry for not doing what you say.

Over protective.

Stop yelling.

You should listen to my siblings and me.

Just listen.

Listen to me.

Stop judging

Thank you for being amazing and love me so well.

Don’t be so strict, it only makes me want to do bad things.  Strict parents create sneaky children.

I’m scared you are fan of Jesus with good morals and not actually a Christ follower.  You have never shown me what it means by the way you live your life.

I’m worried that if you knew everything about me, you’d hate me.

Mom, I am tired of you always getting on to me about little things.  I am not perfect nor are you, although that is what it seems like you think.

I would like to be left alone when I get angry or when you see me becoming angry.

You don’t have to yell.

I’m embarrassed to share my personal feelings with you because you aren’t understanding.

I am not comfortable sharing personal things with you, not because I don’t think you can help, but because I am embarrassed to.

Thank you for all you do.  I love you so much.  Thanks for always being here.

Thank you for everything.  I love you.  I know I don’t respect you enough.  

As a father, youth worker and person who advocates for the next generation this list was a lot for me to take.  Sure there were some positive comments, but for the most part kids don't feel heard and many of them are hiding their feelings and actions.  It's never good for kids to have secrets they are unwilling to share with a caring adult.

Will anyone listen?

Kids won't share if they don't trust.  They won't trust if there isn't relationship.  So whether you're a youth worker, parent or both, nurturing relationship with an emphasis on listening must be the highest priority.  

The hope is that we or other adults get to apply the power and beauty of the gospel to specific areas of their life.  Let's do the hard work of building relationship.

What do you think?