Loving Much

I am a follower of Jesus which means much of my life is struggling to understand and live out what it means to love him with all my heart, soul and mind. When that happens I love those around me well. That may sound weird to those of you who don't follow him, but it really is the essence of Christianity, a love relationship with God.

This morning I'm struck by the story of the woman who anoints the feet of Jesus with her tears and continually shows affection by kissing his feet. Luke tells us she was "a woman of the city" which seems to indicate she was a known prostitute.

Jesus was dining in the home of one of the religious leaders of the day. You can imagine how tense it was when the whore came to the dinner and began to show great affection for Jesus. It seems he should have stopped her, but he didn't.

Here's what strikes me. Jesus says "her sins which are many are forgiven - for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little , loves little". I long to love much and well. I want to love Jesus well, my wife well, my kids well and everyone with whom I come in contact well.

I want to "love much".

So the question is this; how do I see my sin? Am I forgiven little or much? If I embrace the truth that my sin is much and in need of great forgiveness perhaps my love for Jesus will be great. If I neglect to see the depth of my sin perhaps I'll miss the truth that forgiveness is a very big deal.

This morning I'm taking a fresh look at my sin, not sin of 10 years ago but my sin of yesterday. As I do that my sins seem to be many, pride, lust, selfishness, control, lack of faith...

God has and continues to grant me great forgiveness. May I never miss the greatness of God's forgiveness. I long to "love much".

Life feels a little more difficult than it should

Sometimes life feels a little more difficult than it should.

Even as I say that my application runs to doing more or being more. It runs to a performance driven solution. Sure, there are things I should do; prayer has not been as foundational as it should be. Running to God and begging for help has to be first on my agenda.

From car problems to Julie being frustrated, to my staff being upset, it seems like life is a little harder than it should be. This morning there are a couple ways I want to center myself on truth. In a lot of ways I’m like a boat being tossed around. Emotionally I’m kind of all over the place.

Times like these are good. It causes me to lean into Jesus a little more than I normally would. That’s a great thing.

Here’s what I’m trying to think about…

1. God is great God is good

He is in charge of all things and he loves me. There’s nothing that comes to me that isn’t first filtered through his hands. That’s a good thing.

2. Prayer is essential

I need God’s help. Apart from him I can’t do anything.

3. I must remember what is true

Many times my heart wants to believe lies. "I'm not good enough" or "I'm a failure" or "No one really loves me" are thoughts that slip into my mind. The truth is God is good enough, he is my sufficiency and he is crazy about me. That is what is true

So, gaining true perspective is key for me today. It’s good to refocus thinking. Thank God for days that feel a little difficult.

iamlast

Many of you have seen or heard of the "I am Second" campaign. If you haven't you should check it out at iamsecond.com. It takes people who are famous and / or just normal and lets them tell the story of why God is first in their life and why they are "second". It's well done and I'm sure God is using it to bring many to himself.

However, this morning I'm struggling with not what it means to be second, but what it means to be last. I'm reading, meditating and studying the gospels this year in my personal worship time. Over the last couple of days in my readings, Jesus has been talking about sacrifice and if you want to be first you must be the servant of all. Jesus says he didn't come to "be served but to serve and to give his life".

I have a huge problem with all of this, my bent is not to serve but to be served. I love it when people take care of me. I don't like to sacrifice and be last. I don't even like waiting in lines. But Jesus clearly says "many who are first will be last, and the last first".

So how in the world do I reconcile my natural desire for supremacy with the clear teachings of Jesus? Who I am and what he teaches seems to be separated by this uncrossable canyon.

One option is to try harder. That's right, today as I go on my merry way I'll just decide that I'm going to be more intentional about serving others. I'll be more disciplined in my thought process and I'll stop thinking of myself more highly than I should.

Sure, that may be part of the answer but my experience has been that my effort always results into sliding back into the same selfish patterns. Here's what's really cool about the teachings of Jesus. If he teaches something he automatically provides the ability live it out.

Paul says there's a mystery, it's Christ in us. Jesus does in us what we cannot do ourselves. So this morning, by God's grace, I'm starting a "I Am Last" campaign." You won't see me on any billboards (although that would be kind of cool). Here's what I'm going to do in response to what God has been teaching me the last couple of days.

1. Repent - this isn't a very popular word today, but it's God's way of ushering us back into deeper intimacy with him. Self centeredness is sin. My only response can be to agree with him that I'm disobedience and ask for forgiveness.

2. Ask for Grace - To be last it's going to require the supernatural working of the Holy Spirit.

3. Look for opportunity - I want to look for opportunities this week to serve others, secretly. Are there ways I can serve those around me without them knowing I did it? Sometimes by serving we still end up with selfishness, and yes, I'm that screwed up. Secret service may deal a death blow to my flesh. Who is going to praise me for being such a great servant if only Jesus and I know who is doing it?

So, over the next couple of days if you think about me pray for me and I will you. What would happen if followers of Jesus everywhere followed his example of washing the feet of those around us? It would bring him great glory.

The Grants are moving to Dallas part 2

After Julie and I returned home from our "first date" with Irving Bible Church we knew we had to decide whether or not to go through the interview process. There were so many things to think and pray about. Do I really feel like I should leave NNYM? I really have a heart to love and serve youth pastors and their ministries. What about our kids, Austin is a senior. Could we move and him not graduate from Northview? There was a lot to pray about.

After thinking, praying and getting a lot of council we decided to go through the interview. A couple of weeks later Austin and I flew to Dallas for the weekend to be interviewed. The more I went through the process the more I fell in love with the church and the job they were creating. 2 days later the church offered me the position of student ministries pastor.

The job is a directional leadership position. The student ministry pastor would lead a team but also be involved in the lives of middle school and high school students. Another great thing about the church is they wanted me to continue my ministry to youth pastors and other churches.

Again, we went through a few days of seeking council, praying and thinking. For our family we never make decisions in a vacuum. Everyone we spoke with felt it was a difficult but right move for us. Julie and I joyfully accepted the position. I began commuting to Dallas on November 1. It's now the middle of January.

Julie, Zachary and Lauren are living with me in a great apartment in Flower Mound, Texas. The church has graciously provided the apartment for the next 3 months. I continue to be amazed at the love this church is showing us.

Transition is difficult, but in this case we believe it to be God's calling on our lives. The difficult thing is that when God moves Julie and me it impacts our children, family and friends. Andrew is continuing at GCSU and Austin is living with some good friends. Lauren and Zach are having their world rocked as they have moved to Texas. My hope and prayer is that this time will result in each of us leaning into Jesus.

In 2001 when we moved to Atlanta to take the position at Perimeter church it was obvious God was working on our lives. We have loved our time in Atlanta. As we continue our journey here in Dallas we hope we don't lose touch with so many friends in Atlanta.

Life really is an adventure for the Grants. It's full of suprises, some are easy but many are difficult. Our lives are in his hands and that's a good thing.

So far it seems the position for me is a great fit. We're excited about God's heart for each of us in the next months.

Short Sunsets

Before the sun came up yesterday we left 13040 Carriage Park Lane for the last time. So much has happened since we moved to Atlanta in 2001. Andrew (my oldest son) was 12, now he's almost 20, Julie and I both turned 40, we taught 3 boys how to drive (I have no idea how many wrecks we've had) and developed hundreds of friendships, a few of those friendships we'll have the rest of our lives. We loved our time there.

When I was walking through our home I was remembering all the laughter, playing, fighting, wrestling, hugging, farting, burping, crying and many other things that took place. It was where we as a family grew up. Lauren was 6, now she's 13. She went from a little girl to a soon to be woman. Zach, Austin and Andrew have become men...we'll almost. Just like a really cool sunset you want to last longer than it does, a phase of our life is over.

Last night 4 of us had dinner together in Flower Mound, Texas. My oldest boys are not living with us anymore, they are continuing their lives in Georgia. It's kind of like I'm beginning a new phase of fathering to my kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for God's grace through the last 2o years of being a father, but as I've reflected, there are a few things I really want to do different or better the last few years I have with Lauren and Zach. Here's a sampling...

Encourage more and criticize less.

I'm not sure my kids comprehend how proud I am of them. Sometimes I have a tendency to see the glass half empty. Someone told me it takes 15 encouraging comments to balance out 1 critical comment. I have a lot of words to use to balance things out.

Love Julie better.

One of the best ways to love my kids is to love my wife. They need to see me laying down my life for Julie. I need to learn how to serve her so much better. I'm passionately in love with Julie, I want to show her better.

Pray

I have a friend named Barbara who has 3 kids. She's does't really know it but she's a great mom. She said one time that the most important time she spends for her kids is in prayer. I want to be much more consistent in going to God on their behalf. I can't change their hearts but God can and will.

Play

Zach loves to go fishing, so do I. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get on the lake with Zach. Lauren loves to shop, I don't, but I'm just as committed to learning.

I'm kind of sad the last few years went so fast. Some times we want time to stand still, but it never does. Even though I'm sad I'm excited about the next few years. We have no right or ability to hold on to our life, it keeps moving, growing and changing. Our life belongs to God and he wants us to use the short time we have offering it to him and others, especially those closest to us.

Indulge or Deny?

I was just thinking about how my life is so different than how Jesus describes a person who follows him. He says if anyone is going to follow him he must deny himself. I'm not very good at denying myself, in fact, if I'm really honest I do a lot better at indulging myself.

Sure, there are things I would do and experience if not for my relationship with Jesus but typically my thought process is about what makes me happy and comfortable. I think about how I can get people to like me more and how I might impress them. The problem is that there is very little about me that's impressive, so it's hard work getting people's attention.

Here's what's ironic. The true way to fulfillment is through denial. Indulgence in anything except Jesus results in always wanting more. It's an empty feeling that can never be filled. Now, denying ourselves and indulging in Jesus is what satisfies us and leaves us thirsty for more of Jesus.. at the same time. It honors him when we drink and drink and drink of him.

So, today I'm asking God to give me the grace to deny myself, take up my cross and follow him. There is silly saying I hate but maybe it's true. Jesus / Others / You. I can't believe I just said that but today I'm going to think about it.

Have a great day of denial and indulgence!

The Grants are moving to Dallas part 1

I heard somewhere that "life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long". There is a real sense that life is an exciting journey. It is filled with anticipation, fear, joy, disappointment and pain. There are all kinds of other words I could use but...

For the Grants this journey has taken unexpected turns in the last 2 years or so. From a confusing and unexpected exit from Perimeter Church to now making a move west. I heard somewhere else, "go west young man". I am a young man so that's exactly what we are doing, heading west to Texas. This is a little bit of our story.

Julie and I are so thankful for our short time with the National Network. It gave us an opportunity to lean into Jesus in ways we never have. I have relationships with people that have made me a better person and pastor. I learned so much and hope student ministry in the southeast is stronger as a result.

Last September it felt like God was perhaps doing a little something different with our highway. Julie and I felt like it might be impossible financially to stick with the National Network. When we sat down to think and pray she said somethings that was full of wisdom. Now, you may not know this but Julie is much more than a trophy wife, she is a woman that hears from God and prays. And when she prays God seems to answer in powerful ways.

During our conversation Julie asked if perhaps God was doing something different in our lives. She knew I loved the National Network but thought we should be willing to look at what God had next. At that point we decided we should be open to see if God had another opportunity for us. We were not looking to do something different but felt it would be a good idea to "put our antennae up" and listen to God.

Now, for some reason I feel the need to explain what I mean by "listen to God", but I'm going to resist the temptation. God speaks to me in many ways, his Word, circumstances, other people etc. I'm not resisting very well am I? Anyway, I'm not sure I've ever "gotten a word from the Lord". I just try to listen, and obey as best I can my with my imperfect ears.

2 days after Julie and my "antennae" discussion I received an interesting phone call. Brain Ward is the middle school pastor at Irving Bible Church in the Dallas, Texas area. After 10 seconds on the phone Brian literally said, "I want to you to come be my boss". They were in the process of developing a new oversight / directional leadership position for their student ministry. Now this alone would not demand a move to Dallas, but it sure got my attention.

The next day I was on the phone with the executive pastor. After a 30 minute discussion he and I decided together that Julie and I should fly to Dallas for a "first date" type gathering.

So many thoughts were running through my mind. Can I still lead a youth ministry? Is this church a fit for us? Do I really want to live somewhere there are no hills? What about our kids?

All we knew to do was go meet with this church with an open heart and open ears. Isn't that what God desires, for us to have hearts that are willing to do whatever he wants even if it's hard and doesn't make a ton of sense?

That is exactly what we did. I'll tell tell the rest of the story in the next couple of days.

Benjamin Button

I woke up this morning thinking about Benjamin Button, both the movie and the person. As far as the movie is concerned I really enjoyed it. It was thoughtful and well done. Brad Pitt's character (Benjamin) was a little difficult for me to swallow. It brought back memories of how Pitt played the angel of death in "Meet Joe Black". Very little emotion. Nevertheless the story was captivating. In some way we all want to turn back time and do things differently or take greater advantage of what has been given.

I'm 41 years old. Although 40 is the new 20, it feels like my life is half over. Are there things I would go back and change? Absolutely. Would I spend my time and money differently? Yes. Can I turn back time? Obviously not.

The movie forces you to think about these kinds of issues. The apostle Paul in the New Testament speaks of time. He says something kind of strange. "Be careful how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity". Making the most of every opportunity literally means to rescue from loss. The implication is that we are all losing time, it's slipping away, but we are challenged to wisely grab it and make the most of it.

When thinking about making the most of every opportunity my mind has to run to how I interacted with God and people. This especially relates to thinking through 08. This year was I faithful to pursue and love God and others to the max? Did I maximize my time, energy and money or did I squander it? Sure, I can't change what happened but there is value in looking back and asking God to teach me.

There is one area in particular that needs greater focus, time with my kids. Don't misunderstand, I get good time with my family, I simply want my time with them to be extraordinary. At the end of the day I long that my children know they are loved by their dad, both earthly and heavenly. It's pretty simple how they know I'm crazy about them...time. It needs to be a great priority for me to chase their hearts this year. At Benjamin and Daisy's daughter's first birthday party the guy in the kitchen said it well, "you turn around and their in high school", or in my case college. So painfully true.

So, may 2009 be a year where each of us pursues God and others (especially those closest to us) in a fresh way. May God give us the grace to make the most of every opportunity and use the gifts he has given to the max.

Zachary

Today is Zach's 16th birthday. Unbelievable! There truly is no one I know quite like Zach. He actually could be the most likable of all my kids. (I like all my kids btw) I don't know anyone who doesn't love him.

When he's around people he genuinely cares about them and what's going on in their world. He's funny and really doesn't take himself too seriously.

I'm so proud of the man he is and is becoming. For all my boys my simple prayer is that they will grow up to be men who love God. Zach is well on his way. His sensitivity to the things of God is evident.

I love you Zach. Happy Birthday!

Inaugeral Thoughts

Well,

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple years about writing down some thoughts. For years I've kept a journal but that is for my eyes only. For some reason there seems to be value in "going public".

We (my family) are going through a huge transition right now. Moving from Atlanta to Dallas is a huge deal for us. First of all it's very hard on my kids at their age and stage. Lauren is 13, Zach is almost 16, Austin is 18 and Andrew is 19.

It really doesn't make sense for us to make a move now, but it really seems God is in it. I'm not sure how one knows if God is in or not in something, but we're doing the best we can to get advice and council on the whole move.